“Just relax!” How many times have you heard that one? And just how helpful was it? Probably just made you feel more stressed! So what do we do?
How stress affects us
Stress has such a holistic approach to our bodies. And not in a good way. It can affect us emotionally, physically, and mentally. We can get to where we feel fatigued on a regular basis, develop ulcers, have constant headaches, or become sick more often. Stress can cause us to develop “scatter brain”, having a difficult time remembering or keeping track of tasks. It can keep us from sleeping with racing thoughts, or induce much more sleep than usual with depression. It certainly can cause us to more easily lose our temper, feel sad, feel hopeless, or wish for an escape of some kind. And those emotions can and often do lead to some sort of coping mechanism to address them. I’ve heard of a whole range of coping mechanisms: exercise, alcohol, excessive shopping, cell phones, video games, cooking, marijuana, talking with a friend, sex, listening to music, reading, food, self-harm, journaling, crying, exploding at others, or a host of other responses.
How to address stress?
Now, of course some of these responses are going to be more or less desirable/helpful than others. The goal of stress reduction is to figure out how to either reduce the source of stress that has been steeping its flavor into our lives, or to discover how to increase our capacity to respond in healthy ways to that stress. Using unhealthy coping mechanisms, while they feel helpful in the moment, only serve to increase your stress over the long term.
Decreasing stress externally
One of the ways to address and manage stress in your life is to evaluate things in your environment which could be changed. Could household chores be divided differently? Could you afford to clean less or take shortcuts for your peace of mind? What is your job like? Are you in a toxic environment at work? Is there a support system of people who you could tap into to help you, or do you need to evaluate the long-term effects of keeping that job on your mental health and sanity? Getting some sunshine and a bit of exercise every day has been proven to boost mood, as has getting proper nutrition and hydration levels. Managing your environment may be a viable way to reduce your stress levels.
Decreasing stress internally
What does the inside of your head sound like to you? Are you your own worst critic, berating yourself for supposed stupid mistakes or things you said? Where is your kindness towards yourself? Maybe you find yourself worrying, and worrying, and worrying until your thoughts are a frantic freight train racing through your mind, day and night. I use this question for my clients who struggle here: If a friend was telling you about the exact problem you are telling me, would you scold them for thinking/feeling such things? 90% of the time, the answer is no, I would reassure them that this is only temporary, that they will do better next time. And yet, people often have a strong argument for why they don’t deserve this same kindness towards themselves. Please, argue against these thoughts! Use logic to fight against these intrusive thoughts! And remember to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break for mistakes or awkward moments. You are only human.
Additional Resources
We have compiled a list of books, apps, and other resources that may be helpful tools as you try different ways to healthfully manage your stress:
Books
The Mindful Brain by Daniel J. Siegel
Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams,Danny Penman, & Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation by Daniel J. Siegel
Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence
by Rick Hanson
Videos
TED Talk: How to Make Stress Your Friend: https://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU
TED Talk: Generation Stress: From Surviving to Thriving: https://youtu.be/7jRND5IU3Qg
CALM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK-dmKLFGnw
Overcoming Bad Inner Voices: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGuZVuUBeiQ
Self Compassion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfUE41-JFw
Apps
Virtual Hope Box (Free)
Stress Check (Free)
Stop, Breathe, & Think (Free)
Mindfulness Daily ($1.99)
Buddify- Mindfulness to Go ($2.99)
Calm- Meditate, Sleep, Relax (Free)
Sleepfulness (Free)
Headspace (Free)
Not every way of dealing with stress works for everybody; you may need to try quite a few different things before striking upon something that works well for you. Working with a counselor can also help to clarify and sharpen your goals and skills in stress management. What has worked well for you in the past to really calm down and cope with stressful situations? Let me know,
-Rachel