Category: Caregiving

The Importance of Self-Care When Caregiving

Posted on by Erica Carpenter

If you are or have ever served as a caregiver for a parent or other aging adult, you know that many moments can be stressful, yet also beautiful and meaningful at the same time. While being a caregiver can provide your life with meaning and purpose, as well as enhance your relationship with the person you are caring for, it can also put you at risk for experiencing high levels of stress, depression, and burnout. With all of these contradictory effects, it can be difficult to manage your own health and well-being. While this can be hard, self-care is imperative for a caregiver throughout the caregiving process. Below are some tips to help you take care of yourself and your health as you also care for your parent or other older adult:

1. Allow yourself to acknowledge both the positive and negative emotions you may be experiencing.

Many caregivers feel ashamed to admit that they feel stressed, fatigued, frustrated, angry, or sad as they are caring for their parent or other older adult. It is important to allow yourself to get in touch with these emotions, as well as the positive ones you may experience as well, such as gratitude and finding purpose. It is natural to experience both types of emotions, as well as important to express both of these. If you do not express them, they become stuffed down, which can backfire later on, often leading to depression, anxiety, and burnout. One way to begin the acknowledgment and expression of these emotions is to practice mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or guided breathing. Journaling about your emotions can also help you express them in a healthy way and give you an opportunity to work through and make sense of them. In addition, therapy can be a safe place to talk about these emotions without the worry of being judged.

2. Do something for yourself at least once a week.

When you are caregiving, it can be easy to feel like your own needs are not as important as the parent or adult’s you are caring for. But there’s a reason they tell you on the airplane that in the case of an emergency, put your air mask on first before putting it on others. It can be hard to take care of others if you are not also taking care of yourself as well. It is not selfish to take some time here and there to do something you enjoy. In fact, it is the exact opposite of being selfish because you are going to be a more effective caregiver as a result of taking some time to rest and recharge. It can be helpful to set a recurring time each week for you to do something for yourself and only yourself, such as going for a walk, watching your favorite TV show, or going to lunch with a friend.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

If you are feeling fatigued, overwhelmed, and like you just need a break, listen to your body. If you have other family members nearby, ask them to step in for a few hours while you take a break. If you don’t have the option of family being nearby, asking for help can also be in the form of seeking therapy or attending a support group where you can talk openly about your experiences as a caregiver, as well as listen to those of others in similar situations.

 

 

 

What Stories Do You Tell Your Children?

What Stories Do You Tell Your Children?

Posted on by Kevin Mimms

The stories you tell your children about them matter. Stories that are recalled first by you to your children at times that seem good for teaching, but gradually broaden to act as a warning or comparison to other examples. These broader examples inform children of the meaning and implications of these stories.

Consider what stories you tell your children. Consider how they may hear those stories about themselves. Consider the effect your words have on their young minds. To demonstrate what I mean, allow me to use an example from my own life. My daughter, when she was young, was a fantastic sleeper. Within her first month, she slept through the night, up to twelve hours sometimes. My son, however, was not a good sleeper. It took him several months before he slept through the night and he never has slept the twelve hour stretches our daughter would. Now, let me consider some different ways this fact, this part of their lives could be told by me to them later in life, changing and festering from a simple statement of fact to a damaging and vague description.

Why Does It Matter?

As they grow up, I could remember how my daughter slept better than my son. Maybe I would even mention it to them. After all, it is a factual statement about them as infants. However, over time, it is very understandable how what begins as simple fact becomes more vague. You may even forget how specific the factual example is. When I remember that she slept better as a baby, I may say to my son that he never slept as well as her. Though it is possible to reach a conclusion that would be damaging from this statement alone, it is unlikely that he would think about it any more than just that time. However, as this story is repeated by various members of the family, it becomes less of a singular fact describing his infancy, instead joining the narrative that defines who he is to others.

From there, the shifts become progressively more damaging as they become more vague. Beginning with the thought that my son did not sleep as well as his sister, it may shift to a more general, but similar thought of being a harder baby than his sister. While I am thinking about how he was a harder baby than his sister, it is easier to notice other ways that raising him is harder than raising her. So what began as my daughter sleeping better than him turns into him being harder to raise. A natural progression in description; a massive impact in meaning.

What Now?

My urge is this: think of the stories you tell your children about their raising. Have they always been that way? Are they vague? Are they helpful? Your answers to these questions may help you recognize uncertainty and shame your children feel. My suggestion to begin to alleviate this is to open the subject up to your children. What stories do they remember? What do they mean? If you have young children, how do you explain your experiences with them growing up? Can you think of things you will remember fondly of them from this time period? Tell them!